So I decided to just call ’em “Fortune Cookies,” and be done with it. Anyway, whatever they’re called, here are ten of ’em, randomly chosen just for you…
"Because of our taping schedule, this show will take place three weeks after you see it."
— sportscaster Don Gillis
"Guidelines for Bureaucrats:
"A hospital is no place to be sick."
"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex. You thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did."
"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
"If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men."
Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.
"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."