Fortune Cookies

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I didn’t know what else to call the items on this page. Quotable Quotes? Noteable Notes? Something else?

So I decided to just call ’em “Fortune Cookies,” and be done with it. Anyway, whatever they’re called, here are ten of ’em, randomly chosen just for you…


"Because of our taping schedule, this show will take place three weeks after you see it."
    — sportscaster Don Gillis


"Guidelines for Bureaucrats:
(1) When in charge ponder.
(2) When in trouble delegate.
(3) When in doubt mumble."
    — James H. Boren


"A hospital is no place to be sick."
    — movie mogul Sam Goldwyn


"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex. You thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did."
    — James Baldwin


"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
    — Ed Howe


"If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men."
    — Russell P. Askue


Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.


"Experience is not what happens to a man; it is what a man does with what happens to him."
    — Aldous Huxley


Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.


"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."
    — Woody Allen