Fortune Cookies

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I didn’t know what else to call the items on this page. Quotable Quotes? Noteable Notes? Something else?

So I decided to just call ’em “Fortune Cookies,” and be done with it. Anyway, whatever they’re called, here are ten of ’em, randomly chosen just for you…


"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."
    — The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy


"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin."
    — H.L. Mencken


"United Nations: Where America feeds the hands that bite it."
    — Gregory Nunn


Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?
    — from Oregon courtroom transcripts


"As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so."
    — Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney


"Too bad all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair."
    — George Burns


Nobody can outstubborn your mother.


"Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor's noisy party than being there."
    — Franklin P. Jones


Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.


"Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
    — Mark Twain